Bigger! Badder! Brutal-er!

Dozey Roun

Episode Summary
(a yacht with the original cast on-board appears, first focusing on Duncan, Gwen, DJ, Harold, Leshawna, and Eva, then focuses on Owen, Sierra, Cody, Izzy, and Noah, then shifts focus on Tyler, Lindsay, Beth, and Justin, and finally shifts focus on Sadie, Katie, Trent, Courtney, Geoff, Bridgette, Alejandro, Heather, and Ezekiel) Owen: (as their yacht goes past the Dock of Shame) Nooooo!! Chris: (laughs) No, not them! This season, we've got all new players, fighting for the million! And here they come now, for real! (another yacht appears, carrying the new contestants) Jo: (to Scott) Stay out of my way if you value your kiwis! Chris: Scott! Scott: (to Jo) Right back at ya. (sniffs armpit) Chris: Zoey and Mike! Zoey: (to Mike) Can you believe we're here?! Mike: Yeah, it's... (looking at Zoey) beautiful. Chris: Lightning! Lightning: (knocks Mike and Zoey out of the way) Hello, Gorgeous! (kisses his bicep) Chris: Brick. Brick: (saluting, accidentally dropping Zoey in the process) Brick MacArthur, reporting for duty! Chris: B and Dawn. Dawn: (to B) Your aura is an exceptionally purplish-green. Oh, it suits you, though. Chris: Dakota! Dakota: Hey there. (giggles) Dakota here! And I'm here to win this! (is cut off by Chris mid-sentence) Chris: Anne Maria! Anne Maria: (applying spray tan) Ah yeah, three more coats ought a do it. Dakota: (pushes Anne Maria out of the camera) Whoa, who said you could pan away? Anne Maria: (Dakota screams when Anne Maria attacks her with spray tan) Don't push me, Blondie! Chris: (as Staci walks up behind Anne Maria) Staci! Staci: My Great Aunt Milly invented suntan. Yeah, before her, people used to smear themselves in clay.(Anne Maria sprays Staci with spray tan as well) Chris: Cameron! Cameron: Fresh air, a real lake, birds! (pigeons knock him off a railing) Chris: And Sam. Sam: (playing video games) Oh yeah! Grenade launcher upgrade! Heh heh, now we're cooking! Scott: (swims past him) Spaz. Lightning: (lifts up Cameron) I'll save you, little girl! Cameron: I'm a boy! Photographer: Uh, we got your text. Chris: (watching on a monitor on the Dock of Shame) For crying out loud! (to Chef Hatchet, via 2-way radio)Uninvited guests, over. Chef Hatchet: (emerges from the water, planting a bomb on the boat, with Chris detonating it remotely after he returns to the water) Dakota: (after the paparazzi's boat blows up) Whoa-ah!!! (knocks Cameron out of Lightning's hand and into Anne Maria) Anne Maria: (after Cameron hits her) Hey! No touching the hair, Four-eyes! (swimming away while spraying her hair) Mike: Hang on! Zoey: I'm coming! Mike and Zoey: (bumping into each other) Oh! Mike: No, you first, please. Zoey: No, please. Go ahead; I insist. Mike: Well, I mean if you insist. (Staci pulls him under) Zoey: Hold on! (dives into the water and pulls Mike and Staci up) Mike: (he and Staci gasp for air) Thanks. I owe you one. Dawn: (examining starfish) Hmm? Oh, I used a shortcut. Brick: (crawls out of lake and to Dawn) Ma'am. (salutes and falls back down) Mike: (interrupting Staci) Yeah, that's great. Dawn: Yes, that would be good, considering you were an only child and all. Zoey: Huh? Who told you that? Dawn: Your soul reads like an open book; you had such a lonely childhood. (holds Zoey's hand) It must have been difficult. Zoey: (removes her hand away from Dawn's grasp) Lightning: (to Sam) Yeah! We wouldn't want to upset the bunnies! Chris: The tiniest sound could set them off. Like, this! (a loud horn goes off and an unknown creature roars in the distance, prompting the contestants to run in fear) Zoey: Only as a child. Seriously. Cameron: I'm pretty sure that cry does not belong to any known animal species! Chris: Relax. It'll all make sense eventually. (laughing manically to the point of insanity) Scott: Yep. And it looks like a butt. Cameron: It's the monster!! (the "monster" fells several trees and is revealed to be a hairless squirrel) Jo: Hey! It's just a stupid squirrel! Dakota: Awww! (shrieks when the squirrel blinks abnormally) Dawn: (gasps) Oh my gosh! What's wrong with it?! Chris: While we were gone, I rented the island out to a "nice, family-oriented" biohazardous waste disposal company. Sweet people. But the waste is having a teensy bit of an impact on the flora and fauna. (the mutant squirrel eats a butterfly) Anne Maria: That's what we're trying to do, Mike. Mike: Mike? Name's Chester, missy. Sam: Teeth down on the rope! Down! Lightning: Girl, you cannot be that dumb! Dawn: Pretend it's Daddy's steak knife! Dakota: Oh! (cuts the rope releasing their totem) B: (in confessional silently admiring his genius wit)Scott:' (confessional, bouncing a rock against the wall)'' B thinks he's so smart, but, when my plan goes in action, he won't know what hit him! (rocks hits his face) Oww! Brick: It's my duty to inform you, Ma'am, that we have bigger problems. (points towards waterfall) Cameron: My first waterfall! Mike: (still in his Chester personality) And maybe our last! (the team reaches land again, with Zoey nearly falling off the totem) Ah, kids today and their crazy log rides. Zoey: (hanging on to the edge of the totem) Mike!! Mike: Huh? (regains his original personality) Zoey!! Zoey, hang on tight!! (pulls Zoey back on to the totem) Zoey: (smiles and holds onto Mike) Okay! Thanks, Mike! Mike: (smiling) Uh, no problem. Dawn: B wants us to lean forward! Staci: Yeah! My Great-Great-Great Second Aunt Mary invented log riding and she... Toxic Rats (except for B): We don't care! Chris: Oh look, it's former player Owen, who's not competing this year! Owen: Yeah, so I swam back to tell you that- WHAT?! Not competing?! Chris: I'm afraid you and the other "classic players" have outlived your usefulness. Chef? Chef: (Chef puts bomb on Owen's face) Owen: (screaming while running away) Chris: (activates the bomb and blasts Owen off the island) Chris: Actually, we came up with something new this season. You'll love it! (Chris, Chef Hatchet, and Staci are now on the Dock of Shame, with a giant catapult on one end of the dock) Say hello to the Hurl of Shame, patent pending. Staci: (sitting in the Hurl of Shame) Yeah, catapults were invented by my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Graaand- (gets launched off the island) ahhhhh! Chris: One down, twelve to go. Who's next in line? Find out next time on, Total Drama: Revenge of the Island!
 * Chris: (opening narration, as an astronaut works on a satellite) We've been to the movies. We've been around the world. (scene changes from outer space to Camp Wawanakwa) And this season, we're going right back to where it all began...at Camp Wawanakwa!
 * Chris: And speaking of our cast members, here they come now!
 * Chris: Meet Jo.
 * Chris: Yup, it's our most roughest, toughest, most explosive season ever! (detonates a bomb on the yacht)Right here on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island!
 * Cameron: (drowning) Help!
 * Dakota: (getting picture taken while floating in a dinghy) Hi, fellas, how ever did you find me?
 * Staci: (as she's drowning) I wished my third uncle, twice removed was here. He invented life preservers. (Mike and Zoey come to her rescue)
 * Mike: (in confessional, playing with the toilet paper roll before he speaks) Okay, my first confessional! So, um, Zoey! Nice girl. Okay, super nice! I wonder if she'll go out with a guy like me. You see, I have this, um, quirk. I just hope my condition doesn't ruin everything for me again. (sighs)
 * Zoey: (in confessional) Wow! I can't believe I'm in the Total Drama confessional; it's so exciting! Everyone seems so nice. I hope they all like me, I could use a few more friends, or friends period. Oh, what if they hate me? Maybe this flower is too big. Am I trying to hard? You like me, right?
 * Jo: (walks out of lake) Woo-hoo! That's what I'm talking about! First one on the... (looks at Dawn on rock) How did you...you're not even wet!
 * Brick: (in confessional) I may be the strongest player here, but I'm all about the teamwork. Back in cadets, I took the teamwork medal three years running. Also bed making medal, flag folding medal, and letters home to mom medal, I always win that one.
 * Staci: Yeah, my Great-Great-Great Uncle Boris invented swimming! Before him, people swung their arms like this (flails her arms) and sank to the bottom. And my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great...
 * Sam: (giggles) I knew I should have played that sweet fitness workout game. Eheh. I just hope I don't get cut first. That would be lame. But if I stick it out to being cut sixth or even seventh, I'm cool with that, B. (giggles more, then returns to his game)
 * Zoey: So stoked to be here! I've been watching Total Drama forever. Who knows, maybe I'll even make some new friends.
 * Chris: Attention, fresh meat! See the trail leading into the forest? Race to the end of the trail, and do notdisturb the wildlife! That would be bad!
 * Chris: "Zoey the Lonely," Team B.
 * Scott: (referring to the creature in the forest) What the heck was that thing in the forest?!
 * Chris: (referring to the McLean-Brand Chris Head) Is the cleft on my chin really that big?
 * Mike: (after Chris announces the team names of the season) Um, what's with all the references to chemical waste? (the creature roars)
 * Chris: (laughing manically after the mutant squirrel attacks Dakota) Most. Danger. EVER!!!
 * Dakota: (in confessional, sobbing) Chris is the meanest ever!! (stops sobbing) Hang on. (takes out her compact and checks her makeup) Not too blotchy. Okay, take two. (puts away her compact, clears her throat, then resumes sobbing)
 * Staci: It's too bad my Third Cousin Jack isn't here to give us tips on bare handed tree climbing.
 * Anne Maria: (in confessional) Sure I want to win a million dollars, but not at the expense of my looks! I mean check me out, perfect hair, perfect tan, all this is worth a billion, easy.
 * Mike: (watching Brick attempting to not hurt himself) Aww man, this isn't working. (gasps as he undergoes a change in personality into an old man named Chester) D'aw darn it, cut the dang rope already!
 * Zoey: (in confessional) Mike is so sweet! You know, I really don't get his old man comedy routine, but I bet it's really funny if you're from France, or something...
 * Brick: (as the mutant squirrel is attacking the Maggots) Not the crew cut!
 * Dakota: (trying to saw the ropes) How are you supposed to, it won't work!
 * Sam: B! Change your name to A plus!
 * Jo: (on her team's totem pole floating down river) They're gaining on us!
 * B: (motioning the Toxic Rats to lean forward)
 * Jo: How'd they get in front of us?
 * Owen: (rejoins Chris awaiting at the cabins) Hey Chris, get this, the boat wouldn't stop.
 * Lightning: (after he and the other Toxic Rats made it back to camp) Whoo, first place, go Team Lightning!
 * Staci: Yeah, my Great-Great-Great-Uncle James invented log cabins, before him people had to sleep in the trees, and they kept falling out all the time. (the Toxic Rats glare at her) And my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Aunt Phillis invented roofs, and before her, homes were just walls and furniture. And every time it rained you had to get a new sofa. (giggles)
 * Chris: Regardless, the only team with a cabin still standing, the Mutant Maggots win the first challenge! (the Mutant Maggots weakly cheer)
 * Chris: (at elimination) The votes have been cast, those who receive a regular marshmallow can stay, but this season, one player will receive a special marshmallow. A marshmallow you do not want to eat. Whoever gets the Marshmallow of Toxic Loserdom is out of the contest. Which means you can't come back. Ever!
 * Staci: Aw, but I was doing so good. (Marshmallow of Toxic Loserdom makes Staci's hair fall out) I guess it's the Dock of Shame for me, then.